You smell like stripper and shame
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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