he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
