No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
did you just send me my own nude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
