babies were throwing up all over the place
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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