he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
