I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
