I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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