Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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