You just made me feel so damn special
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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