You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
