I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
