Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize