i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
