Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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