dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A+ Viking dick
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
