I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We don't watch enough power rangers
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
