Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She's the barista slut.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
