I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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