We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
