I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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