It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
