took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
