So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
