I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
