I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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