areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
