So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
