what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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