I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
