I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
