I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
