So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When are your genitals available?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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