I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
