I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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