Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize