maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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