so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
