no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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