I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
