Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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