We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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