wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
These tits shall not be calmed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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