took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
