Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
