After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
