Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
