Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
