If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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