By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
