omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
