i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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