I think I won the penis lottery.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
