so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
