just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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