New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize