Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
