handjob tips. give me some.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
