What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
