i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The air was thick with penises
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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