I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
