I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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