OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
