I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
