i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
