wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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