there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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