You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize