I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
