SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
