The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
