i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
