Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
