I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
