Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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