she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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