he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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