i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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