He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize