I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
